I used to think being in control – aka furiously planning, sticking to a rigid to-do list, and following a specific set of guidelines – meant that I would be successful, happy, fulfilled, ahead (whatever that means), and on the “right” path in life. 

I am learning that this isn’t the case.

This year, especially the past seven months or so, I have opened myself up to authenticity, being present, looking within, slowing down, taking leaps of faith, trusting in the process, and letting go of control. 

I have noticed that the strict rules, lists, obsession with knowing how the future will play out, etc. is self-limiting, honestly. There is no room for creativity or endless possibilities. 

And focusing so hard on concrete plans and having control over everything takes away from being in the moment. How are you supposed to catch what’s right in front of you if you’re already in the future; a reverie; another place? 

I’m not saying do away with planning and lists forever. Trust me, I am a huge advocate for lists and organization. I am just saying to plan and complete tasks more gently. Give yourself grace and flexibility. Allow for plans A, B, C, D, E, and so on. 

For example, what helps me with to-do lists specifically is to list out everything I want to accomplish in a morning; an evening; a day; what have you. Recognize that it may not be possible (nor is it very likely) for you to reach every item on the list, especially if you’re like me and have super high expectations of yourself. That’s okay, though! List it all out, and then put 3-4 items at the top; put a star by them; highlight them; circle them. Whichever method you choose, those are the to-do’s that must get done. Then, it’s just an added bonus when the other remaining items on your list get accomplished. 

It feels a lot better this way and allows for unanticipated tasks to pop up that require your attention, too. 

Control is a cover up.

Control is an excuse.

Control is a facade.

You get the point.

In my experience, control has served as a distraction that feels like a good thing in the moment, but is actually holding me back from truly turning inward and allowing what is rather than forcing what isn’t meant to be.

xo,

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